I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
