i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
