I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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