apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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