its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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