1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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