my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
