I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
