i already hear my dad disowning me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
