We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
