I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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