I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i will never coherently bang her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
