just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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