Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
