found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this will be a night to untag.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
