This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
