He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
