my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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