So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
