i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
