The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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