How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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