Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
