wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
