So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
