Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
