Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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