from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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