I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
