If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
