I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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