wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
