i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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