Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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