I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
