the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will be naked everywhere
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
