Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
