she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Randomize
