my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
