I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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