Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
