I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
