Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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