Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
