I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
