Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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