when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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