I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
