Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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