She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
high people should be assigned attendants
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
