I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
